Back to Good
by marysverse
Summary: Brooke is lost, who will reach in to save her?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Don't own any of the characters, just trying to improve the story line for B. Davis, the best character on the show. Please Review!

The waves crashed down over and over. Brooke thought waves were odd. Just stuck in the same cycle, beating up on itself. But that's just the way people were, repeating the same mistakes, hurting themselves and others. Just the nature of the beast she supposed. The ominously dark sky crackled with lightening and a huge thunderclap released the torrid of rain it had been promising all day. Maybe the lightening will hit me, Brooke thought hopefully as she took another swig from the bottle. She didn't feel the cold, or the rain, or the wind whipping her hair about. She didn't feel the tiny grains of sand under her, she just didn't feel anything but emptiness. Of all the things had worried about with Angie, she hadn't thought letting her go would be the hardest. Her surgery had been a success and Brooke experienced the happiest day of her life when she saw Angie after her heart was patched up. And now she was experiencing the worst day. It had taken everything she had inside her to drive Angie to the airport and hand her over to those strangers that had given Angie to her. She hadn't cried, just forced one step in front of another and placed one last kiss on Angie's cherubic cheek and let go. She figured she must enjoy this pain. She had enough abandonment issues but she chose to take care of a child that she knew she would have to give up. She was once again alone, but this time by her own orchestration. 'Fucking brilliant, that's what she was.'

She stumbled to her feet and jerkily walked to the water's edge. The rain blinded her, or maybe it was her own tears that finally were being released, she couldn't tell. Brooke walked further into the water until her head was under, staying there until her body forced itself up for oxygen. She let herself float on her back, half hoping the waves would carry her somewhere far, or maybe drown her. Her life was so empty, what was there to stick around for anyway. Stupidly, she had thought a baby would fill her void, a void her parents and Lucas had put in her. But really, maybe she herself had put it there, this lack of love, maybe she couldn't be loved because she was what she was. Brooke thought being perfect in high school would make her lovable, she got her heart broken twice by the same boy and her parents had continued to ignore her. She thought being successful would fix it, but her mom was only interested in the business. Now Angie, sweet Angie who had the physical holes that matched Brooke's emotional ones, Angie was gone. She closed her eyes, not caring that she was floating in the ocean. The world was finally muted and she just needed to rest a while.

Brooke woke up painfully, her throat was so sore and her eyes had that gross glued together feeling. And there was an obnoxious beeping sound. 'Crap I'm in a fucking hospital.' She forced ehrself awake at that realization and took in her sterile surroundings. Lucas was sitting next to her bed in a chair, slumped over her and grasping her hand. 'Great, just what I need. Lucas Scott thinking he had a damsel to rescue.' She took her hand out of his grasp and started ripping wires off of her. One of the machines screeched in protest but she didn't care. Her throat still hurt, she felt around her mouth and realized they had shoved a tube down her throat. Gagging as she pulled it out, she swung her legs around off the bed only to have a firm arm stop her in mid plan to get the hell out of there.

"Where you going." Lucas looked at her full of concern while still having that judgmental air about him that made her feel like she was committing a crime. She pointed at her throat to indicate she couldn't talk, which was probably untrue but she wasn't about to make the effort. She glanced down at the arm restraining her and gave him the famous 'how dare you' Brooke Davis look and he quickly released her. A nurse came rushing in and gave her a scandalized look when she saw the state of the wires and tubes they had hooked into her. Then Peyton, Haley, Nathan, Mouth and Skillz all came rushing in. Peyton took one look at Brooke's face and took out some clothes from the bag she had brought to the hospital and silently handed them to Brooke. Brooke took the clothes into the adjoining bathroom, leaving everyone else in stunned silence.

"Look guys, I think the best thing for Brooke would be to get her home. You know she hates hospitals and having everyone here is probably overwhelming." She whispered this statement to the group.

"I don't really care if she doesn't like hospitals Peyton, she was found washed up on the beach, she wasn't breathing and she had alcohol poisoning; we have to find out what happened!" Haley exclaimed, shocked that Peyton was acting like Brooke was in the hospital because she had a cold or something.

"I know what happened, she drank too much and stupidly did it at the beach. She wasn't trying to kill herself guys. I know her better than anyone, she wouldn't do that. I shouldn't have let her take Angie back alone. She's just struggling with this, she'll be fine though." Peyton insisted to the group after a few of them echoed Haley's sentiments.

Lucas had wandered over to the bathroom while the group argued over what was best. He couldn't stand not being in her presence and he pressed himself against the door listening to her slow movements. He thought he had so much time, to figure things out, to try new things and to get back to Brooke someday. When he had found out that she was hanging on by a thread, everything had snapped into perspective. The truth was, there was no time, no time to make these mistakes, to almost marry the wrong girl, to think Peyton meant something more than just friendship. There was no time for this angsty teenage bullshit. He had known Brooke was the girl for him for a long time but he had hurt her too much to be able to get her back quickly. But now he knew it didn't matter, it didn't matter is she refused him, if she hated him. Brooke Davis was his heart and he had to get her back to good again.


	2. Chapter 2

Brooke looked at herself in the mirror, she looked like hell. 'Come on B. Davis, you're better than this. Don't show 'em that you're down.' She tried for a tentative smile and smile. 'Nope that won't do.' Brooke washed her face and combed her hair with her fingers and tried again, eyeing herself sternly. 'There it is.' She stared at her grinning reflection, pleased. Her smile was wide, open and most importantly, didn't look fake. Next she downed handfuls of water trying to get her throat to cooperate. She cleared her throat a couple times and attempted speaking. It was a little raspier than normal but she figured that was ok. One final look at herself in the mirror made her straighten her spine and throw her shoulders back, she still looked horrible, but she figured she could pass inspection from her friends.

Lucas heard the door knob turning and took a step back from the door. Brooke came out looking more like her old self and gave everyone a wide smile.

"Sorry guys that you all came rushing here for no reason." Brooke shrugged her shoulders and dimpled her mouth in apology.

"Hey no worries, we're just worried about you," Nathan reassured her.

"Well, I admit I had a hard time letting the baby go and I guess I got a little carried away with drinking; but I'm feeling much better now. I promise I won't imbibe on the beach again, scout's honor." She held up two fingers pressed together and flashed another cute smile. Lucas noticed that she couldn't quite bring herself to say Angie's name.

"Let's go home." Peyton said simply, knowing Brooke just wanted to get out of there.

"I hardly think being resuscitated and having copious amounts of liquor out of your stomach qualifies as 'no reason.'" Haley exclaimed after glaring at Nathan for the 'no worries' comment.

"Tutor Mom, you know I've done a lot of dumb things and this certainly won't be the last, but I'm fine now, lesson learned." The doctor chose to walk in at that point and asked to speak to Brooke privately. The group trooped out reluctantly and shut the door, Lucas hovered by the closed door to try to catch the conversation.

"Miss Davis, I didn't report his incident to the police, even though I'm supposed to."

"Well I really appreciate that doc, I promise you won't be seeing me in here again."

"I strongly recommend you stay her overnight for observation, but I doubt you'll listen to me. If you need help or just need to talk, please call me." The doctor handed her his card and walked out after looking Brooke up and down appreciatively in a not so doctorly way. Brooke glanced down at the card and saw his cell phone number hand written on his business card. 'What a perv' Brooke thought to herself, tossed the card in the wastebasket and walked out.

"I'm free to go so let's jet P. Sawyer." Lucas stepped in front of Brooke as she approached.

"I drove Peyton over here so I'll take you guys back." Lucas said simply, never taking his eyes off Brooke.

"Maybe you should come stay with us for awhile, I know Jamie would be thrilled to have his godmother around." Haley tried again to get her under some form of supervision.

"Thanks Hales but I think I just need some sleep, I'll stop by later though," Brooke rebuffed gently. She endured the hugs all around and the whispered comments and concerns and darted for the exit as soon as she could. Peyton and Lucas followed closely after her.

The drive was quiet, Lucas kept glancing at the rearview mirror to look at Brooke, Peyton kept glancing at Lucas and Brooke, her attention divided and Brooke stared out the window.

"I'd like to talk to Brooke alone for a few minutes," Lucas asked Peyton, startling Brooke out of her reverie. She hadn't realized they had reached her house. Peyton nodded her head and cast one concerned look at Brooke and climbed out before Brooke could even formulate an excuse to not have this private conversation. Lucas climbed over his seat and sat in the backseat next to her.

"It's just me now." Lucas said softly to her, taking her hand and drawing her slowly towards him. 'Damn him for knowing me so well' she cursed him internally and fought with herself to not give in to his comfort. She snatched her hand back and glared at him.

"I don't need rescuing Lucas so don't even think about it."

"Please Brooke, don't be like this. I almost lost you, I just need to hold you. To know that you're really here still." He recaptured her hand, this time maintaining a firm grip when she tried to pull away again.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. Of course I'm still here silly." Brooke grinned at him, trying to lighten his tone.

"No you're not." Lucas pulled her in against his chest and held her tightly. Brooke tensed her body from the intimate contact but allowed him to hold her for a few minutes.

"Lucas as much as appreciate your concern, you're gonna have to deal with snoring and drooling soon if you don't let me go." She laughed half-heartedly at her joke.

"I can deal."

"Well I can't, I need to go to bed." Brooke demanded. Lucas sighed heavily at her attempts to distance herself. He wanted to demand she let him stay with her, but knew he would only get a refusal and possibly violence if he insisted. He released his hold on her and she scrambled out of his car.

"I love you Brooke." Lucas declared to her retreating form.

"Love ya too!" She responded back, deliberately taking his serious declaration as one of friendship. Brooke ran up to her room so fast that Peyton didn't get a chance to stop her to talk to her. She shut and locked her door turning on some high energy club music to mask the sound of the breakdown she felt coming on. She laid in her bed, prepared to do some heavy duty crying. But the tears never came, Brooke lay on her bed, eyes staring at the ceiling until morning came without one tear ever escaping.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Your reviews are so awesome guys, thanks for taking the time to write your encouraging words. And to stagediva23, the doctor let her go b/c he was a total perv and wanted to get something out of the favor. Also, you are so right on about B. Davis; something has happened that no one knows about.

Chapter 3

Brooke carefully inspected the reflection of her face in the mirror. A few more brushes under the eyes and even she couldn't tell she hadn't slept all night. The wonders of make-up! Unfortunately, make-up can not make my ugly face pretty, she thought to herself as she pursed her lips in frustration. I know what your thinking, pretty girls always say they think their ugly to fish for compliments. The difference between B. Davis and those other girls is that she would die before admitting to anyone what she truly thought of herself. Then even her friends would abandon her.

She changed into a black skirt and a red vest, she had originally put on black jeans and a turtleneck; but thankfully she saw herself in the mirror and realized that it was no Brooke Davis outfit and people would think something was wrong. She slipped on red pumps as she hurried out the door and nearly killed herself when her heel caught on something soft. She looked down to see her right stiletto pump stabbing the purple monkey, right in the heart. Her bottom lip quivered slightly as she picked it up and cradled it in her arms rubbing out the mark of her heel on the plush body. Then realizing what she was doing, she tossed the monkey over her shoulder and rapidly walked out the door; determined to not let Angie or anyone else haunt her.

She pressed Millicent's speed dial on her iphone as she navigated her car to her store.

"Hey Millie"

"Oh my gosh Brooke, I'm on my way over to see you. Mouth just told me what happened, are you okay?"

"Peachy keen dearie. That's the last time I decide to get drunk on the beach. Actually I was calling to tell you that I'm headed into the store and wanted to give you the day off."

"No way, you should be resting!"

"Eh, I feel fine and I'd really like to just throw myself into some mundane shop work. Pretty please, as a favor to me?"

"You know Brooke you're the only boss that has begged me to take a day off work." Millicent's sweet laughter tinkled in Brooke's ear. And it pissed Brooke off. She knew she was being irrational, Millicent was quite possibly the sweetest person she had ever met, but right now, hearing her laugh was unbearable.

"Oh right, I'm the boss! I'm ordering you to take the day off." Brooke attempted a laugh to lighten her sharp tone but it ended up sounding like a dying jackal and slightly on the verge of hysteria.

"Oh. Okay. Sure thing boss. But are you sure you don't want me to come see you, I could bring..."

"No!" Brooke cut her off vehemently, the last thing she needed was company right now.

"Look I'll see you some other time, thanks a bunch!" With that Brooke quickly hung up the phone and scowled at the bright sunny day for the rest of the drive.

Lucas' House

Why was she ignoring his calls? He had called her at least a dozen times last night to see if she was okay or needed company and this morning he had been trying to get a hold of her to come hang out. He resorted to calling Peyton only to find that Brooke had left before she even woke up and she didn't know where she had gone off to. Lucas threw his phone against the wall in frustration. The phone thunked against the wall and fell to the ground losing the back cover and battery on impact. He was tempted to childishly leave the phone in pieces on the floor but lunged towards it to put it back together after realizing Brooke might call him. Lucas wished putting her back together was this easy, but he had a feeling she was more broken and had a lot more pieces to put back.

He looked over at his laptop that he had been furiously working on all morning. It was a story for Brooke, something he hoped would help her. It was also a story for him, it was his happily ever after, in it Brooke finds the courage and grace to give him a second chance. Well, technically third but in his mind, he hadn't done anything wrong to warrant the last break up. Sure he had been distant and withdrawn but there had been a lot going on and he didn't want to burden his pretty girl with all his angst. Okay, if I can't get a hold of her by night time, I'll go track her down. He knew it was always worst for her at night. In the mean time, he had a book to work on.

The Hotel

'It's funny that they call this The Hotel. Hehe. Its not actually a hotel. People are weird.' Brooke Davis' stream of consciousness was about as deep as a shot glass at this point. And Brooke was very familiar with the depth of a shot glass, or rather several shot glasses. There she was, B. Davis perched on a stool at the bar, looking like a walking, talking version of every man's fantasy girl. She had lost count of how many shots of tequila she had after the tenth, luckily there had been a shift change at the bar and the new bartender had no idea how much she had either.

'Angie, you bitch. Just got what you needed and left me. But that's what they all do. Get what they want and leave. Usually just get the sex and leave. I should start charging for my services. Oh wait, that's prostitution. Heehee, Brooke Davis: Prostitute. Maybe I should get business cards with that on it.' Brooke laughed a hard, self-deprecating laugh of the drunk and the wallowing. And that's where Lucas spotted her, laughing to herself, teetering off her barstool.

"Brooke..." He said softly to himself. He walked up to her and stood beside her, holding on to one of her shoulders so she didn't fall off.

"Hey you!" Brooke exclaimed, not at all happy to see him but faking it for his sake, or was it her sake, or maybe it was their friends' sake. All this thinking was making her thirsty, she waved at the bartender indicating another tequila was needed.

"Brooke, I think you've had enough."

"Funny, I don't recall asking your opinion." She retorted bemusedly as she downed the shot the bartender brought her.

"You know tequila is not good to you." Lucas said softly and then swiftly grabbed her arm and threw her over his shoulder.

"Hey! No wait just a minute mister, I was having a great...hey...hey Luke I think I'm gonna puke." Lucas didn't even break stride as he headed towards the door. He was getting her out of there as quick as possible. Thankfully she hadn't thrown up yet when he reached his car. He gently set her down in the passenger seat, Brooke was too distracted by queasiness to put up a fight as he strapped her in. 'It is a very good thing I love you Brooke,' Lucas thought to himself as he looked at her face. Sighing to himself he climbed into the driver's seat and drove towards Brooke's house.

B. Davis' House

He had gotten her to her room with little fuss, but now she was insisting upon a bath.

"I just feel dirty Lucas, I need a bath."

"No, you need to sleep off all that alcohol, remember you and drunkeness and water do not mix."

"I'm just dirty, I'm going to take one and you can't stop me!" Lucas trailed after her wake towards the bathroom, defeated by her insistence.

"What are you doing?" Brooke asked as she saw him right behind her.

"I'm gonna help you."

"Gee Luke, I think I can handle bathing myself."

"Well I think I should at least be in there, you are really drunk Brooke."

"No way perv, this is not a free show." She slammed the door in his face and locked it. Turning the hot water on full blast, she started to take off her clothes but then decided against it. Luke might decide to break down the door and no way was she going to be naked if he did. Besides, she felt safer in her clothes. She slipped into the burning hot water after the tub filled up and let her mind drift for awhile. The problem with her mind drifting was that it always ended up where she didn't want it to be. In dark scary places, flashes of struggle and pain flitted by her eyes and she fought against it. Against the tide. Against the world. She blacked out before the outcome of the battle.

Lucas had found the key on the top trim of the doorway after half an hour of Brooke not responding to any of his attempts to get her to talk. 'I'll make her talk face to face' he thought as he unlocked the door and stepped into the steamy bathroom. He immediately noticed Brooke slumped against the tub, passed out. 'At least her head is above water' he gratefully thanked whatever God was watching out for her. Then he noticed the pink water, and absently thought her bath salts turned the water that color. And then he cursed every God he had ever read about as he realized the water was more red than pink.


	4. Chapter 4

Lucas sat quietly in the banished corner of Brook's bedroom, a towel stained slightly pink clutched in his hands.

"What the hell were you thinking Lucas!"

She was the picture of fury. Her pale skin flushed in anger, arms wildly expressing their displeasure, her features couldn't settle into one expression, eyes and mouth twitching in agitation. She was glorious.

"You thought I was trying to off myself? Are you kidding me, what do you take me for? I can't believe you."

"Brooke, I just panicked, I'm sorry. I saw you lying there and you were bleeding, what was I supposed to think?" He said this quietly, intensely like he still believed she had done it on purpose.

"I don't know, maybe you could ask? Maybe you could wake me up before dragging me out of the bath and needlessly calling 911?" She stood there before him, fists planted firmly on her hips, legs spread in a wide aggressive stance, forgetting to put on more than her wet underwear. She seemed more goddess than girl and even he doubted that anything could hurt her. But then he saw the cut on her arm, and he knew just how mortal she was.

"I don't believe you" He whispered this, afraid that she would turn away from him completely. She rolled her eyes at him and took up her robe, finally realizing she was half naked. Shoving her arms in, she cinched the fluffy pink robe tightly at her waist and glared.

"Well it doesn't matter Lucas. Its the truth, my razor slipped and grazed my arm. Its not even a bad cut. You're so...dramatic!"

"And it just so happened that it cut right across a vein, and you just happened to decide not to try to bandage it, stop the bleeding, anything?!"

"Get out!"

"I'm not leaving!" Lucas stood up from her bed, trying to convey a stronger stance.

"Would you like me to call the cops so they can escort you out of my private residence?" Brooke stalked towards him, her eyes murderous.

"I want you out, I want you gone, stay out of my life Scott, its not your business anymore." With each hurtful word she pushed him further towards the door. One last shove and he was outside her room, staring into her bedroom with all the guilt racking expression of a puppy left out in the cold. The door slammed in his face after one last baleful glare. He heard the lock click into place before he could get his hand to the door knob. He pounded his fist futilely against the door calling her name, begging to be let in until his voice gave out and his tears fell free.

Brooke leaned weakly against the pounding door, every ounce of her wanted to give in to Lucas, to let him hold her and make everything okay. But she couldn't do that anymore, she knew he couldn't make this better. No one could make this better and if she told him, told him why she was so broken, she would lose everything she loved about being with him. He would never see her the same way, he would stay with her out of pity for awhile, but ultimately he would leave. He wouldn't stay, he wouldn't be able to deal.

She bolted from the door to the shower, tearing off her robe and undergarments. Setting the water to as hot as she could stand, she began her systematic scrubbing ritual leaving no inch of skin unscrubbed letting a quiet fury fill her once more.


End file.
